Adulting and Decisioning and Lifeing

Making decisions is the worst part of being an adult, seriously there is nothing that makes this process easy. From moving into your first apartment to taking that job you thought was so perfect for you. Nothing about making decisions is easy. 

It gets even harder when you are making decisions WITH someone. Like Bae. 

God knows we can barely decide on what to eat for dinner... which trust me, is an EVERYDAY discussion. 

I am fortunate thou, when I met Bae it was random and perfect. He lived in Greensboro NC and I lived in Wilmington NC. We made the long distance thing work for a while, a few months. Each of us taking turns driving down 40 E/W (respectfully). But for my birthday he asked me what I wanted. I told him flippantly that I wanted him to live with me in Wilmington. 

That was a big deal, because he had never lived with someone he dated before and we had literally just met a few months back (we met in February he moved in in May). So it was pretty unnerving, there was so much on the line. This move was the make it or break it type decision. But he made it.  

He quit his job he was working, loaded his room into the back of his friends car, kissed his parents good bye and drove to a place he told me he would never return to. He left Wilmington NC after he graduated and vowed he had no reason to return. Now, a year later, he still smiles every day when he wakes and tells me this was the best decision he has made. 

It may be the best one he's made, but no way it was easy. Nothing is easy. 

Living with each other sure isn't but its fun and challenging... I love the ups we have and I cry over the downs, but with him living here we go through the downs together. The perk of moving back to Wilmington. 

When he first moved here he did so without having a job lined up... for 5 months he sat in the living room sending out a million applications all over Wilmington, pleading for employment. I was finishing my last year of my undergraduate career and working two jobs. Yup I was in summer school and working. It was harder on him than it was on me. Here is a young man living off his girlfriend. Nothing about that is easy for a guy, much less a guy who just began this relationship. Yet he stuck with it. We talked daily and we worked and reworked his resume and cover letter and he hit the pavement and after 5 months he found a really good job. It wasn't what he wanted but it was a good one and he is happy there. He is excelling at it, even on the days he hates it and all the office politics that go with it. 

And now the handle has turned and I am unemployed and have been for months... Same situation.. different partner. 

But every day we must make decisions, from something as simple as buying cigarettes and wine to paying the rent a few days late to whether we should go to the movies or stay in. All these things are stuff we have to decide and its nerve wracking.

Marriage is a topic we have tossed around, not halfheartedly, but we haven't set a date or anything serious. Just discussed it. Rings, babies, moving and gradschool. These are all decisions we have to make together. 

We got a dog and a cat together. After he moved to Wilmington we got a kitten together... then a few months later we got a Pit Bull... these are decisions we have made together and they sure weren't little ones. No we didn't get pregnant but we did get kids. Animals don't feed their selves.When we travel we have to make arrangements for them, house sitter or take them with us. We can't abandon them. So yea we have kids. 

All these decisions that came just from a chance meeting in a bar with a guy whose eyes captivated me. Being an adult is nothing like TV makes it out to be. On the good days things are great and the sun shines and the wind blows thru my hair as I smile. On the shitty days we fight disagree and can't even look at each other. 

But part of being an adult is sticking in there when the fight gets tough and the decisions are hard to make. Standing up for what you want and making it happen, supporting each other regardless of agreeing with each other and most of all COMMUNICATION...  

Being an adult is a lot of things, but most of all its being true. To yourself, your heart, your passions and your loved ones. Decisioning is hard. Adulting is hard. Living is hard. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

Now instead of hiding in my bedroom under the pillow fort coloring my Precious Moments coloring books eating Fruitloops I can lay in the living room under the sheets that flow from the couch to the mantle and drape the ceiling, drinking wine and binge watching Netflix while wearing my favorite shirt of his and his favorite panties of mine... 

Adulting has its perks.